On Thursday I woke up thinking it was Friday so I am doubly glad that it's Friday today! I'm not wishing my life away - just particularly excited about the 4 mile run tomorrow with SB and a few other friends. It's St. Patty's Day Weekend and traditionally that means one big pub crawl where I have been known to blow a lot of money on Guinness and Irish Car Bombs but this year I'm taking the frugal approach (and the sober approach) and staying in with SB. After the run there is free beer and pizza for participants but I don't think that will sound particularly appealing at 9 AM in the morning.
I put my name on a car pool/van pool list at work - currently no one is driving from Pacific Beach to North County but I'll get called if anyone is interested. I even looked into the bus but looks like that's not a viable option because of the distance (40 miles one way - sigh!). I could totally get on board with the bus or train since I see that as extra time to read (I'm reading my way through the Harry Potter series - currently on book 5) but alas. It's not meant to be for now.
Today I thought I'd write a little about my parents and their very opposite points of view on personal finance as perhaps it would give me some insight on my own habits.
You could not meet two more opposite people. My mom is a true free spirit in every sense of the word. I've never known her to have a job that lasted more than 3 months. She spends her free time writing, reading, attending workshops and seminars. She is interested in holistic healing and the power of acupuncture and Qigong. She was an extremely nurturing mother and I feel that my brother and I were very lucky to have her as a stay-at-home mom growing up as we were always doing SOMETHING fun, especially during the summers.
My dad, on the other hand, is a rigid retired Navy officer. He worked for 30 years for the Department of Defense. He sees things either as black or white - shades of gray never exist for him. One of his favorite things to say to me when I couldn't decide about something was "Mal, it's a one or a zero - make a decision". Talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words - that's my dad's motto. We never really vacationed with Dad. We went camping on occasion but summers meant that we were around the house helping with some sort of home improvement project.
As you probably guessed by now, their marriage did not last and they divorced when I was 5. I lived mostly with my mom and then spent a few years in high school with my dad. I can't even picture them being together - it doesn't even make sense in my mind how it could ever have happened. I guess opposites do attract but that doesn't mean things work out in the end!
So, my mom was totally irresponsible with money. Since she didn't work she lived off of alimony I guess - I don't even know!! I'm not sure how much that was but it provided her with a fairly comfortable living. However she could blow a lot of cash and frequently take me out shopping on a Sunday afternoon for new clothes only to have our electricity shut off on Monday. I remember once the water was shut off at our house for two days and we had to steal water in buckets from our neighbor's hose to "flush" the toilets. I remember being young and thinking it was odd but my mom always made a game out of it. If the lights were shut off she'd light candles and we'd sing and read stories. Invariably, the lights or water would come back on in 24 hours and things would be back to normal.
My dad would die if that ever happened to him - but it never would because he was so frugal. In September he would give me $200 and tell me that was my money to spend on clothes for the school year but to budget wisely because other than my allowance that would be it. Dad bought a nice home and furnished it but took his time - paying for things one at a time before going on to the next item. He frequently gave me lectures on money management - he tried to teach me how to balance my checkbook when I got my first account when I was a teenager.
In college when I got over my head in credit card debt for the first time, my dad was SO disappointed in me. He actually paid of my credit cards (I had about $4,000 on four cards) for me. Unfortunately I didn't learn my lesson - when it happened again he told me that I was on my own. I respect him for that. He said that if he bailed me out again I'd keep making the wrong choices so I had to have a personal investment in my own growth . . At one point I needed $5,000 for tuition but he wouldn't give it to me straight out - instead, he wrote up a contract for a loan and made me sign it. I'm actually STILL paying that loan off but I'll tell you what - that is the FIRST bill I pay every month and I'm never late. I'm still trying to earn back my dad's respect when it comes to that in my mind.
As for my mom, one thing that I admire about her is that if she only had $10 in her pocket, she would give it away no questions asked if she knew someone she cared about needed it more than her. She's generous to a fault. While I've never ever had problems with paying my utility bills, in the past I've taken her approach to money - if you've got it, spend it - you only live once. Yet, I admire my dad's frugality. As a result, he's been able to retire early, purchase a second vacation home (on a civil servant's salary - impressive!), and travel quite a bit . . .
I want to take the best out of each parent and create my own philosophy on personal finance. I want to be frugal with my money. The next car I buy I'd like to pay for fully with cash (my dad has done this with all of his vehicles - which often meant that he drove cars for 10 years before getting new ones . . . but he didn't care). I want to know where every dollar is going and track all expense. I want to live on a budget . . . but I also want to live life and enjoy and have fun. I don't think my dad really knows what fun is. Or maybe his idea of fun is just totally different from mine.
I think that since my PF epiphany that I've made some real changes. My first test came when a friend asked me to go shopping with her in Pasadena the day after I decided that this was it - I'm making a change. The thought crossed my mind that it would be so easy to just let things go one more month and join her. In the end I decided that one more pair of kicky pumps from Saks is not going to make me feel any better about myself - what IS going to make me feel good about myself is the security of having an emergency fund, of having zero credit card debt, of not having creditors calling me because I have an account that is past due or in collections.
In the end, I want to take with me mom's easy going attitude and fun loving spirit but my dad's awareness and respect for money. I think these two perspectives can be melded and balanced into one that I can live with and be happy with. . . .
2 comments:
Thanks a lot for sharing that. I have always been intrigued by people who's parents have not made it. I can't imagine what it must be like to grow up splitting time between the two.
Congratulation on not going on an expensive drinking binge! Remember that being frugal doesn't mean you should sacrifice having fun. You could always have some friends over and tell them to bring some Guiness or Killian's Irish Red or you all could drink some green beers (food coloring), etc. You could make a party mix with Lucky Charms or something! The possibilities are endless but a party at your house is almost always cheaper than going out.
Good job on looking into the bus routes. It is too bad that you can't find one that works for your long commute. Sometimes the buses have "Park and Ride" where you can drive to certain places and park your car there and then take the bus for atleast some of the way. Maybe that is just a Nebraska thing.
Good luck with your run tomorrow. Great post!
This is a great post. You are a great writer and I'm glad I stumbled upon your blog!
Post a Comment